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Many people believe that finding love after 25 is hard. Others believe that finding it after 30 is impossible, especially if you’re a woman.
Well, people actually believe that a woman trying to find love after 30 is desperate. Well, Meghan Markle did find the love of her life at 36, got married, and is now building a lovely family. Think about Esther Musila who got married at 52 with 3 children this year, after several years of dating. If this is not enough inspiration, then I don’t know what it is.
If you are over 30 and hoping to find love, don’t give up. But you need to be careful because people consider you easy prey for sex or money.
One time a friend of mine told me that they (he is a married man) have a trick they use to get single women to bed, especially women over 30 looking to settle down. So brace yourself.
Most of the men you will meet want a quick fuck or quick buck. This is what they mean when they say things on the ground are tough.
Types of men you will be dating after 30
This is not an age factor. Even younger girls are meeting the same kinds of men. That is why the majority of them just want a monied man who can sponsor their lifestyle and nothing else.
But if you are a serious woman dating after 30, chances are high that you will meet many fakes. Even the ones who seem honest and genuine will most likely turn out to be fake. Don’t get me wrong, qualified mates are rare nowadays, so it’s not like you are the only one going through this. Especially if you are looking to date and marry in Nairobi! It is said Nairobi is not a place to meet a mate but a place to make money. Therefore, don’t be shocked to meet the types of men below;
A broke man looking for a cougar
Times are hard, and the system has not been fair to men. With women empowerment programs focusing more on women, men have lagged behind in terms of education, job opportunities, and money. But we cannot blame women empowerment alone.
Lazy Ben 10
Some men have also become lazy and decided to also look for women to sponsor their lifestyles. Especially since the empowered women who grew up in broken or hostile environments are now considering getting just a Ben 10 for their sexual needs and live without having to ‘waste’ time pleasing a man or giving birth. So, there are men who have embraced this culture and now look for women who can ‘keep’ them.
Money for bedroom service
They don’t need to work, just make her happy in bed, and in exchange, she foots his bills and takes care of all his financial needs. If you are a woman dating after 30, you will meet many men who are not financially stable but only need someone to take care of their lifestyle in exchange for bedroom service. Male escorts fall in this category.
Bill on you!
They have invested heavily in their physical looks, abs, and personal grooming. When you go on a date, he will ask you to foot the bill. Even before the date, he may ask you for some money and dwell a lot on what you do for a living.
Married men who want a quick fuck
Relationships are not easy nowadays, so nobody is having it easy anywhere. Marriage is not always glossy, especially if your partner decides not to give you peace of mind. Someone said to me, ‘If you see a married man on the corridors of love, turn the other way and run. He just wants a fuck and nothing else.’
Dear women dating after 30, beware of men who say they are separated or divorced unless they provide enough proof that they are truly single and ready to really really move on. Because wueh …!
Dating a married man is a big trap. You must have seen on Facebook women who dated and even sired with married men who were on the verge of separation, freshly separated men, and even some who were separated up to precisely 3 years from the data I have collected.
All their stories go like this:
Booty call
“I was dating this married man who told me he was in the process of divorcing his wife. They were sleeping in separate bedrooms. He rented me a house and was paying my bills. Then one day he just stopped picking up my calls and even blocked me. I found that his wife got another child.”
Sorry, you were his booty call, somewhere he could come for free fucks any time he was bored at home.
Naive girl
“When I met this man, he said his wife had not given him sons. He promised me that if I gave him just one son. I am now raising his son alone. He disappeared when the boy was young, went back to his wife, and hasn’t even been supporting his son. I want to expose him to his wife so he can take up his responsibility.”
Sorry, the wife was not there when you were agreeing to such a silly suggestion.
Separation scam
“I met this son of Pharaoh 6 months after his wife left. He said they had been having issues and he was ready to move on. I moved in, and he came to our place and paid dowry. My mom didn’t like him at all and warned me against marrying him. Two years later, after I gave birth to our firstborn, he started talking to his wife. Now he has told me to sort myself out because his wife is coming back.”
Sorry, six months of separation is not divorce.
Accidental polygamy
“I have been seeing this man who told me he was done with his ex-wife. After a lot of drama, his wife went back to his parents and they have not been talking. I got our firstborn while they were still having those dramas. After 2 years when I was pregnant with the second child, we decided to move in together. He came to see my people and I went to visit his. After three years when I was already pregnant with the third child, the wife came back even without consulting. She brought back her stuff and refused to go away. Now I am in a polygamous marriage, which I have always detested!’
The majority of the men you will meet after 30 have already been married before, and if you are not careful you will end up in one of these scenarios.
Sorry, there is nothing much you can do. Just embrace polygamy.
Senior bachelors who cannot sustain a relationship
Nowadays men are turning 45 without a woman, child, or any history of a long-term relationship. Relationships are nurtured, and it takes special skills to build an intimate relationship with another human being. Not everyone understands the dynamics of close relationships with members of the opposite gender. Some don’t even know what they want in a relationship.
If you are meeting a man over 37 who has never married before or been in a long-term relationship, ask yourself why.
Is it because he held very high standards that no woman could meet? Is it because he is just a fuckboy who doesn’t want to commit to any woman? Is it because no woman can satisfy him? Because he fears women, or he doesn’t know how to handle a woman? Find out the reasons first and determine if they can be fixed.
Some things can be fixed through professional help, while others are deeply ingrained in someone’s character and can easily send you to a mental ward.
Good men who are ready to commit
There are men who are single because the spouses they loved died, or they honestly divorced and are truly ready to move on. There are others who weren’t so lucky in relationships and have not given up on the idea of dating and settling down. This category of men is rare. But if you are patient enough and manage to avoid trapping yourself with the heartbreakers mentioned above, you will be successful.
You can find love and marry after 30, 40, 50, or even 60!
Looking for love after 30, 40, 50, or even 60? I believe there is someone out there for you, if only you remain positive and don’t give up. Even in the driest desert, you will find an oasis!
10 tips for dating success after 30
Here are tips to help you find that special person sooner and avoid getting into scams or unwanted polygamous marriages;
1. Understand that dating is a risk
Anything worthwhile involves some degree of risk. Including dating and marriage. You cannot do anything if you are not willing to take a risk. Because sadly, you predict the future. Neither can you control how the other person behaves in the future.
2. Avoid entanglements with married men
Stay off married men unless his marriage ended with a clear finality, and there is enough proof he is ready to move on without looking back.
3. Organise your finances
It is easier to meet someone serious and genuine when you have your own money and can take care of your bills. Nobody wants a leech. You will do better if you can take care of yourself. If at 30 you are still asking men to send fare, you will remain a beggar for some time.
4. Embrace your singleness
You lose nothing by being single. Many married women want to be single. Embrace your singleness and enrich yourself. Invest in your career, education, looks, and the future.
5. Create time for dates
You cannot date if you don’t have time for it. And don’t turn down dates, even if people say you are desperate. The only way to meet someone is by meeting them. Don’t be too busy to go out with interested people. Sometimes, the one you don’t consider a husband material is the only husband material. However, realize that not every date is meant for marriage. Just stay connected and actively look for a serious dating opportunity.
6. Don’t rush
Many people are in the wrong marriages because they did not take the time to study the other person. It is better to wait than marry a stranger. Love ends, but friendship keeps you together. Take time to make that person your friend, or find out if you can really count on him as a friend.
7. Don’t be desperate
Understand that a lot of people are already expecting you to be desperate to settle down. Don’t be desperate. But don’t be deterred by those who think you are desperate. There is time for everything. A lot of women out here don’t want to date or get married. The fact that you desire a long-term mate is a positive sign that it is your season. This is just the beginning, now wait for that man of your dreams to show up.
8. Kiss false hope goodbye
If you meet someone and realize he isn’t the one, just let him go. Remember, you will not find a ready-made man. Everybody is a work in progress. You will definitely have to keep up with some bad habits or weaknesses.
But don’t trap yourself in the wrong relationship because you will miss the right one when he comes. And don’t entertain habits or flaws you won’t keep up with in the long run.
Remember, you cannot change a grown-up. They change if and when they want to so what you see is what you will likely get.
9. Get a second opinion
When you finally meet the one, try to ask for a second opinion from someone you trust and someone who can give sober advice. If your mother and other level-headed friends warn you against going on with that relationship, seek their opinion and take time to understand their reasons. Sometimes fans see clearer than the real players. Sometimes, their reasons are valid.
10. Accommodate each other but don’t lose yourself while at it
Relationships require a level of compromise. But after 30, you have developed specific values that shape who you are. You also have some interests and goals. Don’t give up everything but find a way to accommodate each other. Even though life is a learning journey, do not give up your good values in order to be with a man. And ensure that he is also ready to compromise. It should be a win-win situation, and both of you should be ready to give up something, unlearn some things, and learn new things in order to build anything together. If you cannot accommodate each other, or one has to sacrifice too much to please the other, it is probably not worth your time.
Have you tried dating after 30 and what was your experience? Share with us discreetly via email and we’ll share your experience with our readers to encourage or educate someone.
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