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A few months ago, an article appeared in the dailies saying that online dating is not worth it. Well, there are people who claim to have met online and are currently enjoying their lives in marriage. While this is rare, it is possible. It is rare because most people are not honest about what they are looking for. Neither are they honest about themselves.
Recently, a friend told me that he has resorted to traditional dating after trying all the dating apps available in Kenya. Another one told me that he can only go to online dating sites for flings. Well, to some extent I understand them.
In a world full of people, why would anyone be forced to look for a partner online? In Africa, especially, where everyone is surrounded by people, it is not easy to understand why someone cannot get a partner within their circle. Most of the time, the person looking for love online is either unlovable, shy, not willing to put in the effort, or not honest about their motives.
Here are a few people you will meet on your favourite online dating sites.
The Shy One
Shy people score many points compared to confident ones in the dating scene. And most shy people will not admit outright that they like you – even online. They will just tag along, talking to you and looking disinterested.
It is easy to spot a genuinely shy person online. However, beware of heartbreakers who have mastered this as a winning pickup line. You will meet plenty of people claiming to be shy online, and the truth is that the really shy ones never talk about it.
Date Hopper
There are people who joined these dating sites and never leave. Online dating can be quite addictive, and if someone is not careful, they will make it their lifestyle. Already, some of the people you will be meeting are in this category. All they want is to meet and date as many people as possible. It could be because they cannot develop deep relationships with anyone, or they have a psychological problem. They will have dates lined up every day, mostly with new people. They do not have the capacity for depth.
Irresponsible One/Heartbreaker
Research shows that heartbreaks cause people to stop being committed in relationships. A lot of people have exposed themselves to countless heartbreaks. Because they are looking for someone to meet their deficiencies.
Irresponsibles do not put any effort into the growth of any relationship. They may not have any requirements for dating, and with them, anything goes. As long as you take care of your shit and don’t rely on them to do anything for you, they are good.
If you are okay, they are okay as long as they do not need to do anything to make it work. Their relationship will run on autopilot. They will not call and will not answer your call. The relationship has to follow a schedule because they are meeting many other people who do not require anything from them apart from their presence.
Read Also: Do’s and don’ts of Tinder dating
Unlovable One
These ones are very stubborn people that cannot be loved. They will contradict everything you say, and find every opportunity to irritate you. They do not understand love, have never been loved or have loved and lost, and made up their minds to never love again. Nothing you do will ever be enough. You will always be short. They do not care how they relate to you or what they tell you. Most of the time, they have been abandoned by someone they loved or endured abuse.
The Cheat
There are very many married people on dating sites looking for something extra. They will often tell you that they are in transition, unhappily married, or just looking for something long-term without revealing their marital status. They are just looking for someone to cheat with on a regular basis.
Flesh Peddler
Men and women are selling flesh on dating sites, and the majority are upfront about it because time is money. They will not waste time in empty meetings and so you have to send them money first. Male escorts pose as fitness trainers while women will have a lot of sexually suggestive emojis on their profiles and chats.
The Schemer
Everyone using a dating site or app has an agenda, and the majority of people have hidden theirs. There are women looking for money and men looking for casual sex in the guise of love or dates. It is wise to discern what someone is really looking for before meeting or after the first meeting. A friend of mine mentioned that the heart will always whisper when we meet someone for the first time, and it is true.
Respect what your gut says about someone the first time you meet them. Stop being the Messiah, making room for people who may end up breaking your heart or doing the unthinkable. If your gut feeling says unmatch, take off, delete their number, or don’t go for a second meeting, then follow your heart and save yourself some time.
The Broken One
There are very many people whose marriages have just ended, especially men who have just lost their families. The wife said they no longer love them or found out that they are better off without them. And they took off with their children, leaving the man alone. Many marriages experience this kind of loss when the man starts settling financially, around 40. Because they spend more time looking for money in preparation for retirement or to build some inheritance for their children.
Read Also: How to divorce-proof your marriage
While some are too busy looking for money, others have started making a lot of money and realized that the person they married isn’t their soulmate and so they start cheating. Then their marriages end abruptly. And with all that brokenness and sometimes bitterness, they go online to find something to fill that gap. And then you meet them.
Unless you are a relationship counselor looking for clients, avoid hurting people because they will hurt you back. They have open wounds that need healing and no love to give. The moment someone starts talking about their ex and what they do/did not like about them, or how they hurt them, refer them quickly to a counselor.
The Murderer
This may not sound like something that affects people in Africa, but all those stories you read about other continents also happen here at home. There have been popular stories about African women living abroad meeting men online, then visiting them at their homes only to go missing…and later be found dead. Here at home, such stories also exist.
One time we woke up to the news that someone who was in a marriage class we attended at a particular church had killed his girlfriend. I remembered the man had met his then-girlfriend on a dating app, and when I first heard their story I was thrilled. However, because of his narcissistic tendencies, the lady left him and he met another lady in a gym. A single mom. Only to kill her later. It was very heartbreaking, but then as the Swahili people say, “Asiyekujua hakuthamini (he who does not know you does not value you).”
Most of the strangers you meet online never take the time to know you. For this reason, they will not value you. They don’t care about your needs because the pool is full and they can always go back for new fish. They will treat you as they wish because they do not know your value.
If you wish to meet someone serious for dating, try love at first sight or look within your circle. Someone you really really love will try to be your friend. And someone who already knows you will value and treat you the way you deserve.
Have you tried online dating and what was your experience? Share via email or social media.
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